


Hold Me (Before I Break)

by De_Marvel_Bunny



Series: Whumptober 2019 [12]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Tony Stark, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt Tony Stark, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Is a Good Bro, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Daddy Issues, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Tony Stark Has Self-Esteem Issues, Tony Stark Is Too Precious For This World, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Whump, Tony Stark-centric, Whumping Tony Stark, Whumptober 2019, that should be a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-13 21:23:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21004388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/De_Marvel_Bunny/pseuds/De_Marvel_Bunny
Summary: Tony's had an off-day. When something at a gala goes wrong, Steve is left to help him trough a panic attack. Angst and fluff ensue.





	Hold Me (Before I Break)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kcusllay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kcusllay/gifts), [The_Sad_Fangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Sad_Fangirl/gifts).

> Trigger warning: panic attack, mentions of abuse

Galas sucked.

Large crowds, expensive suits, assholes, and too. Much. Noise.

It had been a rough day for Tony already. He'd gotten out of bed twenty minutes after he went in, sweating and panting and trying to chase the ever-haunting images of his father from his mind's eye. He'd locked himself in his workshop, as always, but the uneasy feeling hadn't left him alone since then. So that evening, after a _long_ day, Tony was actually kind of done.

"Steveee," he whined, walking up to his boyfriend (and didn't _that_ sound great, Tony had a _boyfriend_). Steve chuckled at his antics.

"Tonyyy," he called back like the five-year-old he was. Tony stuck out his tongue, because he was _way_ more mature.

"I wanna go home," Tony whined pathetically, dropping his head on Steve's chest. Steve laughed softly, reaching up with drink-less hand to play with the shorter man's slightly overgrown hair. "Wanna cuddle," Tony mumbled into his chest.

"And we will," Steve assured him, putting away his drink, so he could wrap his other arm around his boyfriend, rubbing his back soothingly. "We just have to make it through this, okay? Then we can pop on a movie and cuddle on the couch with chocolate milk, that sound good?" Tony nodded, pulling away reluctantly.

"Dips on your sweater."

Just then, a young man walked by them, clearly in a hurry. He bumped into Tony, who eyed him wearily.

"Rude," he huffed. He was about to steal Steve's drink, when the man bumped into someone else. This person wasn't as lucky as Tony, his drink spilling all over his fancy suit.

"Oh, I'm- I'm sorry, sir," the man from earlier apologized. But the other, larger man (Tony believed he was called Hank, or something) shot him a deadly look.

"Look what you've done, you imbecile!" He yelled. "This suit cost me a _fortune_!"

"I- I truly am sorry-"

"Sorry, isn't going to clean my suit, is it?" Hank interrupted the poor guy's apology. Tony rubbed at his temples, willing his breath to slow down. Hank clearly wasn't entirely sober anymore, and Tony tried not to let it get to him. Not to let _H__im_-

"N-no, sir."

"Exactly! So stop with your petty little apologies. You owe me a new suit, boy!"

_Boy._

Tony squeezed his eyes shut, his breath and heartbeat loud in his own ears.

_Why can't you do anything right, boy?_

_Why are you so useless, boy?_

_Anthony! Look at me when I speak to you, boy!_

"...ony, Tony!"

Tony snapped his eyes open, looking around in confusion and seeing that the earlier scene had moved itself out of the room, the normal chatter returning. Steve was looking at him, concern in his beautiful blue eyes.

_No_, Tony thought dazedly. _He shouldn't look concerned. That's my fault. I can't do anything right, I'm-_

_I can't breathe_. _Oh, God, I can't breathe_.

His vision swam, and suddenly he was back there. Back in the house he grew up in, the house he was forced to call home. Howard was looming over him, the smell of alcohol making little Tony's eyes water as the man threw insults at him, shoving him to the ground and kicking in his ribs.

_Worthless._

_Pathetic._

_Useless._

_Stupid._

"Tony? Come on, let's get out of here, okay? I'm going to get you someplace else. Tony, breathe, sweetheart."

Steve desperately tried to get through to him, but Tony was unresponsive. He took most of Tony's weight as he pulled him towards the exit, pushing past the people daring to stand in his way. He pushed open the door, entering the empty hallway. As the noise from the room faded away, he could hear Tony's whimpers of fear as the man pulled at his hair, muttering words under his breath Steve couldn't decipher. Gently, Steve helped him lower down the wall until he was sitting on the ground, gently holding the man's head between his knees, instructing him to breathe. Tony still didn't respond. Nor did he breathe.

Opting for a different approach, Steve pulled him against his chest. Tony's tense body melted into the contact, and he started shaking.

"I'm sorry..." he muttered softly. "I'm sorry..."

"Shh, Tony. It's okay. It's just me, there's nothing to be sorry for," Steve soothed, thinking Tony was apologizing to him.

"I'm sorry, sir," Tony cried, curling into Steve's hold. "Sir, please! I'm sorry!" He yelled out, flinching violently at something that simply wasn't there. Steve felt tears well in his own eyes. He pressed a soft kiss in Tony's curls, continuing to mutter soft reassurances. Slowly, Tony returned to himself, blinking dazedly at his surroundings.

"Steve?" He asked softly, big eyes staring up at him.

"Yeah, honey," Steve answered just as softly. "It's me."

"But I thought... Howard was..." he trailed off when he realized what'd happened. He felt the shame rise in him as he furiously wiped at his eyes, trying to pull away from Steve's embrace. "Shit. I'm- I'm sorry, Steve. I didn't mean to-"

"Tony, stop," Steve cut him off, pulling the shorter man back against his chest. "We all have this sometimes. I knew that when we started dating. I signed up for this, okay? You don't have to apologize."

"I'm-" Tony cut himself off. Steve sighed, breathing in Tony scent.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He suggested. "I hear it helps."

"I don't need you to-" Tony snapped, pulling up his defenses once again. But Steve held him tightly to his chest, not relenting even as Tony pulled away. Tony sighed, slumping in defeat. "I'm sorry."

"I thought I told you to stop apologizing," Steve said, raising an eyebrow. Tony huffed out a humorless laugh.

"Right. Do you, uh, do you want me to talk about it?" He asked uncertainly.

"Yes," Steve answered without hesitating. Tony blew out a breath, settling against Steve's chest.

"Well," he started, gathering all the courage he could muster. "It was Howard, this time."

"... Howard?" Steve prompted. He didn't want to know, not exactly. He'd realized long ago that the Howard he knew and the Howard Tony grew up with were two different people.

"Yeah. He, uh, he was a drunk, as you know. Or don't. Did I tell you that already? Well, anyway, he was a drunk, and he, uh, he got violent. A lot."

"Tony," Steve started carefully, a sinking feeling in his gut. "Did he- was Howard... abusive?"

Tony gave another humorless laugh.

"You know how people do horrible things to their child when they're drunk? Well, not my dad. No, he loved doing it fully sober."

"Oh, Tony," Steve couldn't stand it anymore. He held Tony tighter against his chest, feeling the man's tears soak his shirt, his own tears trickling silently down his face. "I'm so sorry, Tony. I-I didn't know..."

"Now, what did we just establish about apologizing, Rogers?" Tony piped up a little wetly. "If I can't do it, you can't do it either. That's unfair." He looked up at Steve, looking beautiful regardless of the tear-tracks on his cheeks. "But really, Steve. I'm okay. And you've certainly got nothing to apologize for, okay?" Steve opened his mouth to say something, maybe protest, but Tony placed a gentle kiss on his lips to silence him. "I don't really want to dwell on this right now. I'm exhausted, I've had a shitty day and I just want to curl up on the couch with my boyfriend and watch crappy movies."

Steve nodded, moving to stand up. He pulled Tony up mostly by himself, noting how shaky and weak Tony looked from exhaustion. He put an arm around his lover's waist to steady him as they made their way out. As Happy sped them towards the compound, Tony leaned against Steve's side, his head on the blonde's shoulder.

"So, have you ever seen High School Musical?" Tony asked casually, as if his eyes weren't drooping. "I could _really_ use some Zac Efron right now."

"Who's Zac Efron?" Steve asked, maybe a little defensively.

"No one," Tony responded lazily. Steve ground his teeth. He knew Tony loved him, felt it in the way the man was completely relaxed against him. But that didn't mean he allowed competition. Then again, it could be a good idea to see who he was up against.

"High School Musical it is."

**Author's Note:**

> I love these dorks


End file.
